5 Phrases Likable Leaders Use (and the Ones They Avoid)

Likability isn’t just about being friendly—it’s a strategic advantage. Research from Harvard Business School shows that people are more likely to hire, promote, and support colleagues they find likable—even when those colleagues aren’t the most qualified on paper. In fact, likability is so powerful that psychologists call it the “halo effect”: when we like someone, we subconsciously view them as smarter, more competent, and more trustworthy.

Here’s the good news: likability isn’t something you’re born with. It’s a skill you can build, and one of the quickest ways to start is through the language you use every day.

Let’s explore five simple but powerful phrases likable people use—and what to say instead of the ones that can hurt your credibility.

1. “Tell me more about that.”

Avoid: “Oh, that happened to me too!”
Why it matters: A University of Michigan study found that people feel more connected to those who listen attentively rather than those who dominate conversations, or “one-up” the people they’re talking with. Jumping in with your own story can feel like connection, but it often derails the focus. By saying “Tell me more about that,” you demonstrate curiosity, which is one of the most likable traits a leader, or colleague, can show.

2. “I appreciate you.”

Avoid: “Thanks.”
Why it matters: Gratitude is strongly correlated with likability and trust. A 2012 study published in Personality and Social Psychology Bulletin found that expressing appreciation makes people more willing to continue the relationship. “Thanks” acknowledges the action; “I appreciate you” validates the person. That subtle shift leaves a lasting impression, just don’t use it too much or sound ingenuine.

3. “That’s a great point.”

Avoid: “Yeah, but…”
Why it matters: Leaders who validate others’ contributions, even before offering a different perspective, are perceived as more collaborative and fair. Saying “That’s a great point” doesn’t mean you agree 100%. It signals respect, which builds psychological safety, a core ingredient of high-performing teams, according to Google’s Project Aristotle research.

4. “I hear you.”

Avoid: “Calm down.”
Why it matters: Neuroscience tells us that emotional validation lowers defensiveness and opens space for problem-solving. Telling someone to “calm down” rarely works; in fact, it often escalates tension. By saying “I hear you,” you show empathy and create an opening for constructive dialogue. Likable people don’t avoid conflict, they humanize it.

5. “What do you think?”

Avoid: Talking without pause.
Why it matters: A study in Harvard Business Review revealed that employees who feel their opinions are valued are more engaged, more loyal, and more likely to trust their leaders. Likable people don’t just share their own ideas; they invite others into the conversation. It’s one of the simplest ways to turn a group of individuals into a true team.

Why Likability Is Your Competitive Edge

In today’s workplace, technical expertise and IQ will get you in the door, but likability determines how far you’ll go. People want to work with, follow, and promote those they trust and enjoy being around. By intentionally choosing words that validate, include, and appreciate others, you create an environment where people want to say “yes” to you.

Likability isn’t about being everyone’s best friend. It’s about showing respect, curiosity, and empathy in ways that make people feel valued. And often, it starts with small shifts in the phrases we use every day.