5 Leadership Behaviors that Kill Influence (And How to Avoid Them)
Some of you are bad leaders, and I’m here to call you out. You may not even realize you’re doing it—or maybe you do and just don’t care (in which case, congrats, you’re officially a jerk).
You’ve read the books, listened to the podcasts, and liked the posts that say the same things: be empathetic, listen, build trust. That’s all great advice, but here’s the problem: knowing what to do isn’t enough if you keep tripping over what not to do. One eye roll in a meeting, a sarcastic “joke,” or a micromanaging streak can undo months of positive interactions.
That’s why we need to talk about the behaviors that repel—the subtle habits that slowly erode trust, engagement, and connection. And for leaders who depend on strong relationships to get things done, these are the fastest way to sabotage your own influence.
Don’t worry about sounding professional. Sound like you. There are over 1.5 billion websites out there, but your story is what’s going to separate this one from the rest. If you read the words back and don’t hear your own voice in your head, that’s a good sign you still have more work to do.
Be clear, be confident and don’t overthink it. The beauty of your story is that it’s going to continue to evolve and your site can evolve with it. Your goal should be to make it feel right for right now. Later will take care of itself. It always does.
You’re Doing It Wrong
Let’s take a look at the small but damaging behaviors that can make people feel dismissed, undervalued, excluded, taken advantage of, or forgotten. And why not wrap them up into a neat little acronym: REPEL.
Reject
Dismissing ideas or interrupting sends the message: “Your contribution doesn’t matter.” Research shows that interruptions, especially when patterned and directed at women, are perceived as disrespectful and can silence voices over time (PMC). When people feel unheard, they disengage.
If you’re cutting people off mid-sentence, checking your phone while other people are talking, or saying, “That’s not gonna work,” before hearing the whole idea, you’re guilty.
Erode
Condescension, sarcasm-as-feedback, or minimizing others’ contributions corrodes value. In one survey, 66% of employees who experienced condescending behavior said their performance declined, and 78% reported a loss of commitment to the organization (HeatTreat).
Making someone feel “less than” by speaking to them like they’re stupid, implying you’re superior, or making cutting comments disguised as jokes are great ways to erode trust.
Push
Excluding people from conversations or decisions, whether intentional or not, signals: “You don’t belong here.” Social undermining has been shown to reduce well-being, heighten anxiety, and damage team cohesion (NIH).
Push behaviors include leaving stakeholders out of meetings or decisions, inside jokes that make others feel left out, and talking about people behind their backs. Not a good look.
Exploit
When leaders take more than they give by micromanaging, taking credit, or manipulating, they reduce psychological safety. Micromanagement in particular is linked to higher burnout and turnover (ResearchGate). Employees want to feel trusted, not controlled.
If you catch yourself saying, “I want you to take the lead on this, but run everything by me first,” take all the credit for the contributions of your team, or ask for extra effort without recognition or acknowledgement, this might be your problem.
Leave
Failing to follow up, ghosting emails, or canceling last-minute leaves people hanging. Abusive supervision—whether overt hostility or chronic neglect—erodes loyalty and trust (Oxford Research Encyclopedias).
Your team notices when you schedule a one-on-one and then cancel, fail to respond to simple questions, and forget promised feedback or updates. It makes you look unreliable and uncaring.
How to Lead Without REPELing People
So how do you avoid pushing people away? Flip REPEL into its opposite:
Rejection becomes Interest: Instead of shutting people down, show curiosity. Ask one genuine question before offering your opinion.
Erosion becomes Value: Start with what’s good. Acknowledge effort before you critique.
Pushing Away becomes Inclusion: Bring people in. Make introductions, share context, and create space for voices.
Exploitation becomes Benefit: Give credit publicly. Offer support before asking for help.
Leaving becomes Engagement: Close the loop. Even a quick “Got your note—let’s circle back Friday” builds trust.
The Bottom Line
You’re not always going to do leadership the right way, but by avoiding the wrong way you can save yourself, and your team, a lot of heartache. Rejecting, eroding, pushing, exploiting, and leaving might feel small in the moment, but they have an outsized impact on connection and culture.
So here’s the challenge: this week, audit yourself. Did you interrupt? Leave someone hanging? Take more than you gave? Notice one REPEL behavior—and replace it with its opposite.
Because people don’t follow titles. They follow leaders who pull them closer, not those who push them away.
